Humans are complex creatures with complex characteristics. Understanding what “makes a person tick” can take a lifetime for some. Despite this, is it possible, in just three questions, to determine the heart and character of a person? I believe that there are three questions, when answered honestly, that can provide significant clarity about both the character and heart of anyone. These questions provide a glimpse into what kind of employee… what kind of spouse… what kind of friend… what kind of neighbor… what kind of adult… a person is or will be. OK, so here are the questions:

1. What is your passion? – You can ask this question in several other ways, such as, “What motivates you?” Or, “What is important to you?” The point is to understand what it is that drives the person. When you understand an individual’s passion, you can peek into their purpose (or heart). If the individual is motivated by short-term, self-focused desires, he/she will likely have difficulty submitting to authority, seeking the input of others, and working well with others. A person’s passion speaks volumes about their motivation, enthusiasm, drive, and spirit. A person is at their best doing what they love. Almost as importantly, learning the “why” behind their passion can help uncover how they are shaped and what or who shaped them. Passion is a great definer that we should seek to uncover.
2. Who do you serve? – I believe there are two kinds of people… those who want to be served and those who serve. In other words, there are givers and takers. When you ask a person who they serve, you are asking them to reveal which of these kinds they really are. If they say they serve themselves, their company, their boss, or someone that can impact directly their lives in a tangible way, chances are they are takers… individuals intent primarily on advancing their own cause. You will find most narcissists in this category. On the other hand, if the person says they serve their family, their country, individuals that cannot help themselves, their God, or something relating to the greater good, you can assume they live to give. Finding a person’s “serve” reveals much about how they will treat others. It also reveals much about their trustworthiness and overall attitude about life. You can also learn much about an individual when you learn why they serve who they serve. This reveals something about their heart.
3. What are you collecting? – This question may seem out of character for such an important assessment. However, I believe everyone is collecting something. Some are collecting dollars, or things, or material wealth. Others are collecting friends, family, memories, or items we might call intangible. When you learn what a person “collects”, you learn much about their inner drive and motivation, their needs, and their attitude on life. And, when you learn “why” they collect what they collect, you learn key pieces of their character.

So, you can learn much about a person with these three simple questions. Their passions reveal their purpose and drive. Their “serve” reveals how they view others and whether they are givers or takers. What they collect tells you what they view as important. When viewed through these filters, you can almost always identify individuals that will be positive life influences or those that will be negative. These questions can also serve each of us as an internal checklist to help us evaluate whether our own lives are where we want or hope them to be. Try it by asking yourself these questions now, but you must answer honestly.

That’s it! Have a great day and consider how you can make a positive difference for someone else today.

 

 

What is the role of passion in life, work, success, and satisfaction? I’m not really talking about the romantic kind of passion, but that is important, as well. Today, we’re looking at that kind of passion that provides life’s direction, drive, and devotion and how it can provide purpose and meaning.

To better understand the role of passion, consider what life is like when you have no passion for anything. A passionless person is likely bored with life and, quite possibly, suffering emotionally because they feel they have no purpose in life. Without passion, few things really have meaning. Life is just better when we are giving ourselves completely to someone else, something else, or a greater good.

I have been struck recently by a T. D. Jakes quote:

“If you can’t figure out your purpose, figure out your passion. For your passion will lead you right into your purpose.”

Jakes is exactly right! When you discover that which gives you the most passion, you have found your purpose. That might be raising your kids, serving others, serving God, achieving a life goal, or something else significant in your life. To that which your heart beats, you’ll find your real purpose.

Passion also plays a significant role in other aspects of our life. I have listed several quotes on passion below that help illustrate its importance and role in every aspect of our lives. See which of these might make a point with you:

1. Passion gives meaning – “Passion is what gives meaning to our lives. It’s what allows us to achieve success beyond our wildest imagination. Try to find a career path that you have a passion for.”  – Henry Samueli
2. Passion unleashes creativity – “Passion is one great force that unleashes creativity, because if you’re passionate about something, then you’re more willing to take risks.”  – Yo-Yo Ma
3. Passion drives success – “A strong passion for any object will ensure success, for the desire of the end will point out the means.”  – Henry Hazlitt
4. Passion brings happiness – “The saddest people I’ve ever met in life are the ones who don’t care deeply about anything at all. Passion and satisfaction go hand in hand, and without them, any happiness is only temporary, because there’s nothing to make it last.” ― Nicholas Sparks (from his book, Dear John)
5. Passion motivates – “If you have a strong purpose in life, you don’t have to be pushed. Your passion will drive you there.” ― Roy T. Bennett (from his book, The Light in the Heart)
6. Passion drives involvement – “Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance. Great dancers are great because of their passion.” ― Martha Graham
7. Passion confirms your actions – “Passion is a feeling that tells you: this is the right thing to do. Nothing can stand in my way. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says. This feeling is so good that it cannot be ignored. I’m going to follow my bliss and act upon this glorious sensation of joy.” ― Wayne W. Dyer
8. Passion represents the call of your heart – “I have not always chosen the safest path. I’ve made my mistakes, plenty of them. I sometimes jump too soon and fail to appreciate the consequences. But I’ve learned something important along the way: I’ve learned to heed the call of my heart. I’ve learned that the safest path is not always the best path and I’ve learned that the voice of fear is not always to be trusted.” ― Steve Goodier
9. Our passion is that for which we’re willing to fight – “If we don’t fight for what we ‘stand for’ with our passionate words and honest actions, do we really ‘stand’ for anything?” ― Tiffany Madison (from her book, Black and White)
10. Passion makes our life (or career) journey fun – “Working hard for something we don’t care about is called stress: Working hard for something we love is called passion.” ― Simon Sinek

Some might ask, “OK, so how do I discover my passion? What defines my heart?” Here are a few things that I think can help define your passion:

• Your passion is what you think of first when you awaken each day? What are you thinking about when you go to sleep? These are your passions.
• What is the last thing or person or activity you would give up if someone asked you to make a list? That is your passion.
• What in life gives you the most satisfaction, makes you smile the most, or is the most fun for you? It is likely that this points you to your passion.
• What work activity motivates you the most? What gives you the most satisfaction? Chances are, this is your workplace passion.
• What one thing would you do differently in your life if money and time were not limiting? That one thing might be your passion.

As T. D. Jakes says, when you find your passion, you’ll find your purpose. Please, do not life another day without knowing your purpose. When you find (or acknowledge) your passion, you just might find your life is motivated in a new way. Something to consider…

Have a great day!

 

 

How does the Christian thrive in today’s workplace without completely hiding his/her faith? Should any evidence of Christianity in the workplace be prohibited? Can a Christian adhere to his/her standards for living without negatively impacting their career? Should an employer seek to hire Christians or shy away from them? Exactly what should the role be today for Christianity in the workplace?

Yes, answering these questions is more challenging today than perhaps at any time in our modern history. It seems that there is more division now in our society than at any time in my lifetime, at least. And, people are so sensitive and litigious that any real or perceived slight or disagreement results in issues that detract from the real purpose at hand. Entire functions, rules, training programs, and cultural shifts have occurred merely to avoid these issues.

So, how do we address the role of Christianity in the workplace? Let me take a shot at providing some clarity, especially as has been my experience over the last four decades, that might relieve some of the stress that I believe exists.

1. Should a Christian attempt to totally hide their faith and beliefs in the workplace? – No, of course not! A Christian (that is, an individual that believes and trusts Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior) should not seek to completely hide his/her faith… even in the workplace. However, there certainly is a line that should not be crossed. Let’s look at three key aspects of living your faith in the workplace:
   • For the most part, we are hired to do a job and to do it to our very best ability. We must remember that the primary duty of an employee is to distinguish ourselves as an excellent employee. When we do our job well, we earn respect. The Bible even says, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters… (Col. 3:23).” So, when you excel at your work, you demonstrate the integrity that should be expected of a Christian.
   • Live you life as though you are the only Bible others will ever read. Though at work, every person should exhibit a loyalty to the company that pays their salary, we should live in a way that expresses those positive attributes a Christian should possess. Live in a way that others see the fruit of the Spirit that should typify a Christian (“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control…” from Gal 5:22-23).
   • When we live our lives in a way to routinely express the fruit of the Spirit, we are living our faith without stepping over the line of inappropriateness. That line is the point of overtly verbalizing our faith in a way that is not tolerated by others. In other words, we must not push our faith to the point that we become a nuisance in the workplace. Remember, also, that we are to be humble. Paul reminded us of this (Phil. 2:3): “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.”
2. Can you live your faith as a Christian without negatively impacting your career? – Again, I believe the answer is “yes!” Living as a Christian should not negatively impact your career. In fact, I believe that serving in the workplace by humbly living our faith can positively impact your career. Certainly, many of us can recite examples of times that we may have been excluded or worse because of our faith. You may even have been ridiculed by your boss! However, in the end, I believe we can positively influence others by living our faith AND I believe that God will honor our obedience by blessing us. Why do I believe this? Well, you have to look no further than the story of Joseph and Potiphar’s wife in Genesis 39. You will recall that Joseph was pursued by the wife of his boss (his name was Potiphar). She tried multiple times to seduce him, but each time he deflected her advances. Finally, she grew tired of his rejection and lied saying that he tried to sexually molest her. Potiphar became angry and threw Joseph into prison. Eventually, Joseph’s obedience to God was rewarded and he was restored to a top position in the Egyptian kingdom. His career was actually benefited by his adherence to his faith and beliefs. Doing the right thing is always appropriate, even if our reward is delayed.
3. How should employers (e.g., managers, supervisors, corporations, administrations, etc.) respond to Christianity in the workplace? – Rather than avoid Christianity (or practicing Christians) in the workplace, I would argue that employers should openly welcome them. As with any group of individuals, there are always exceptions to this rule, but a Christian should be an individual that benefits the team/company by consistently expressing:
   • Honest ethics – A Christian should be an individual that can be trusted to do the right thing in the right way every time. Though Christians do stumble (we are all sinners… Christians are just forgiven sinners), a Christian should be an individual with consistently high integrity and character.
   • Good teammates – A Christian should consistently exhibit humility and service to others. In other words, they should be the perfect teammates. They should collaborate well, seek the overall good, and do what serves others the best.
   • Treat others well – A Christian should not be a trouble-maker. You should not have to spend excess time dealing with poor behavior, unprofessional actions, or inappropriate performance when you hire a Christian. In fact, a Christian should exemplify a love for others that benefits the team.
4. How should a Christian respond to others in the workplace? – Despite everything said above, the real onus for the Christian in the workplace is on the individual… not the employer, not your coworkers. The practicing Christian must be obedient and live in the way espoused by Him whose name we carry. So, what should our response be to others in the workplace? We must realize that we will not automatically be embraced by everyone. Some will oppose us simply because of our faith. However, despite that, this is how we should respond:
   • The Christian in the workplace must consistently express love to others through our words, our actions, and our service. There is a song that has these lyrics: They will know we are Christians by our love. This song is based on the words of John…”By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:35). In a world challenged by so much division and enmity, we must be different. Those that believe differently than we do should be able to see our faith day-by-day through the lives we lead.
   • We must treat others the way we want to be treated. In Luke 6:31, we find the Golden Rule… “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” This should be the filter through which we consider all our actions. We should regularly pause/reflect before acting and ask, “How would I want to be treated in this manner?” If we consistently do this, we will demonstrate our faith to others on a daily basis.
   • We should be known by the fruit we bear (“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control…” from Gal 5:22-23). If our lives are marked by these attributes, we will likely be successful in the workplace (though, not guaranteed!). But, we will certainly be honored by God. When we “…work as for the Lord…”, God will bless us.

So, despite the politically correct times in which we live, I believe there is an important role for Christianity in the workplace. When the Christian lives in a way that honors God, that person will make a positive impact on the organization. A Christian should not attempt to hide his/her faith. They will know we are Christians by our love, not necessarily our words. How we live our lives matters.

Have a great day! And, remember, this could be our best day yet!

 

My son’s high school football coach had a saying:

“If I could buy you guys for what you’re really worth and sell you for what you think you’re worth, I’d be a millionaire!”

Individuals often have a distorted view of the value they provide. They think that they are indispensable and no one could truly take their place. In reality, most individuals can be readily replaced.

Other individuals have the opposite problem… they feel that they are worthless and add no value to anything. They tend to undervalue anything they do.

How can we be realistic about our value and what we contribute? Is it possible to take a step back and be objective about our skills, abilities, and contributions?

My wife and I were recently in the market to find a couple pieces of used furniture. You can get a real education on value by looking at used furniture on some of the buy/sell websites. Almost everyone has an entertainment center for sale. Likewise, there must be enough used patio furniture to fill a small state! But, there are several serious observations you can make about value by looking at these sites. And, these observations can be applied to the value we add to our organization, as well:

1. Be unique – Furniture or other items that are a “one of a kind” often have enhanced value. For example, there are a few baseball cards in existence that are worth over $1M USD. These have such value, primarily, because there are only a few surviving. Being able to do something that no one else can do makes you valuable to your organization and in the marketplace. If your skills cannot be found elsewhere, your value is high. But, if you can only offer what many others can do, don’t overestimate your work value. Be realistic… companies aren’t willing to pay you more than others with the same skill set. Being able to offer something that no one else can offer makes you highly valuable in the workplace. But, if you can’t be unique, at least you can…
2. Be the best – Even though there are literally hundreds of patio furniture sets on these buy/sell websites, the very best ones still have value. An entertainment center made of the best wood with fine details still has significant value to the right buyer. Being the best at something will always provide value to an employer. Don’t get caught in the trap of merely getting by or blending in. Whatever you have been asked to do, do it with gusto and excellence. Distinguish yourself by doing things better than anyone expects. And, by consistently doing things well, you become known as one that can be trusted. This usually leads to more responsibility and new opportunities.
3. Be a problem solver – When viewing the hundreds of items on those buy/sell websites, I often ran across an item that would be very beneficial to solving problems that arise. For example, I found that some sellers had extra garden fencing that they no longer needed. The timing for this was perfect because deer, rabbits, and other creatures have recently ravaged our home garden. Problem solved, if we chose to buy the fencing. Likewise, having the ability and reputation as a problem solver adds value to an individual in the workplace. Being a “go to” person creates value that is immeasurable. As a former leader of a large organization, I can tell you that individuals with this ability are highly valued and tend to get a disproportionate number of promotions and career advancement opportunities. Can you objectively look at yourself and conclude that you are known as a problem solver? Are you the “go to” person when something needs to get done?
4. Make things better or easier – When browsing these buy/sell websites, I ran across several items that I did not expect, but that intrigued me… not by what they were, but by what they could do. By looking through these items, I realized that items that either made my life better or easier were attractive and had added value. A beautiful looking hammock caught my eye, as did a reasonably priced wicker couch. Likewise, individuals in the workplace that simply make it a better place have value. An individual that creates calm out of chaos; improves morale; encourages teammates; or motivates the team and others to perform at a higher level are extremely valuable to the organization. Think about this… Are you the kind of person everyone wants to work with or one they seek to avoid? Do you leave the place better or worse? Do you help drive the careers of others? If you can be this kind of employee, you’ll always be valued.
5. Do not carry more burden than benefit – Similarly, I found several items on these websites that should have had value, but did not because of some “burden” associated with them. For example, I found a cast iron, claw-footed bathtub in great shape on one site. It was free! However, the advertiser said that it would take an army of folks to carry it downstairs for the upstairs bathroom and a heavy-duty truck to haul it away. Because of this, the advertiser knew that it would not be appealing to many despite its perfect shape and desirability. Though the tub had great apparent value, its actual value was low because of the haul-away burden it represented. When an individual in the workplace consumes more negative energy than they contribute, their value, as an employee is greatly diminished. Sometimes, a highly skilled individual has no value in the organization simply because they are more trouble than they or worth.

Finally, I cannot have any discussion on value without ensuring that we understand the huge difference between value and worth, as individuals. Value and worth have nothing to do with each other. Value is what we bring to the table, but worth is something that everyone has. Every person has worth in the eyes of God… we should never forget that! We need to remember that each person has been created as a unique individual and is loved by others. Treating each other as people of value is our duty as individuals, teammates, friends, and family members. So, please, do not confuse value as an employee and worth as a person… they are not connected!

So, what do you think? Are you adding value to your organization? Or, do you need to adjust your approach or enhance your skills? Let’s be realistic… if you were the leader of your organization, would you hire yourself? If everyone in your organization was just like you, what kind of organization would yours be?

Thanks for reading! Have a fabulous day!

All too often, we look back on the day and marvel that we “simply made it through it.” That rut that we are in just seems too comfortable, too predictable, and too routine. It may be rare that you look back on a day and are changed by something simple, something sweet, or something we totally didn’t expect.

Following is a story that might be familiar to you. I ran across it a few months ago and it touched me. I would like to recount it here, but look at it, not just from the expected perspective, but from three different perspectives. Perhaps, even if you know this story, you’ll see the world a bit differently this time.

She Doesn’t Know Me, But I Still Know Who She Is

It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80’s, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb.

He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would be able to see him.

I saw him looking at his watch, and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor’s appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.

I inquired as to her health; he told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer’s disease. As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late.

He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him, ‘And you still go every morning, even though she doesn’t know who you are’? He smiled as he patted my hand and said, ‘She doesn’t know me, but I still know who she is’.

I had to hold back tears as he left; I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, ‘That is the kind of love I want in my life’. True love is neither physical, nor romantic.

True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

Let’s look at this from the perspective each of the elderly man, his wife in the nursing home, and the nurse telling the story.

1. The Elderly Man – Several words come to mind when I think of this man… devoted, loyal, dedicated, committed, loving. This man, in my mind, is living out the promises he made when he made his vows to his wife… in sickness and in health. This man is showing how a man should love his wife. I think many men believe that when they marry, they get to continue to live the life that they led up to that point… a life spent, for the most part, dedicated to their own happiness. When you take a wife, your own interests and happiness become secondary to her happiness. Your wife replaces you as the most important person in life. I am not saying that a husband must disavow all pursuits of hobbies, fun, and happiness. But, men, you can no longer be #1 when you have joined your hand and heart with another. Being loyal, dedicated, devoted, faithful, and loving to one woman will pay dividends for you and your family for a lifetime! This elderly man was continuing to give, to serve, and to love his wife well beyond the time she could repay him. Every husband should strive to love his wife like this man!
2. The Wife in the Nursing Home – Every wife deserves to be loved like this woman is loved! Likewise, every man should be loved by his wife like this. None of us knows our own fate. Probably, many reading this will eventually be plagued by dementia, Alzheimer’s disease, or something else that robs us of our mind. Knowing that, if the worst does happen, that there will be loved ones there at your side, through good and bad times, gives comfort that is hard to explain. Think about it… does your wife or husband know for sure that you’ll be there no matter what? I am blessed because I certainly know that I do.
3. The Nurse – Right now, I am most interested in the perspective of the nurse. It was an ordinary day for her. Here, in the midst of a busy, normal day, she experienced something that was life-changing. She received an unexpected blessing from this man’s story. But, you know, had the nurse not taken the time to converse with this man… to simply show an interest… she would have missed this blessing. Had she just rushed through this procedure, treating it like every other procedure that day, she would have forfeited the chance to hear this touching story. How many of us just rush through the day or through life without taking just a minute to connect with others? How many unexpected blessings have we lost because we didn’t want to take a minute or pause to listen or open our hearts?

I don’t know where you are today or what you are going through. You may be facing the challenges of the wife in the nursing home. You may be struggling with a marriage that is strained, failing, or void of the love you want and need. You may be consumed with problems with the kids, financial struggles, career challenges, hopelessness, depression, fatigue, or sadness. You may just want to get on with your day and stay in that rut you have come to enjoy so much. However, I would challenge you to pause just a minute and start looking for those unexpected blessings that are right in front of you, poised, simply waiting for you to accept them.

When tomorrow comes, make a commitment to yourself to be alert and start looking for those unexpected blessings that await us. We never know when they will come. It could be a grandchild giving us a hug, a neighbor doing a favor, a group of 30+ year friends having coffee on the deck, a beautiful sunrise, or holding the hand of your wife. Don’t be in such a rush that you miss it. Don’t let the sun set tomorrow without finding the blessing that lies in wait for you. It is there… we just have to be willing to seek it and enjoy it when it happens.

Well, it has been exactly six months since I made one of those critical, life-changing decisions. After working for about 40 years in the corporate world, I walked away to that “retirement” chapter of my life (see my blog post from that last day in the office: My last workday!) I had been warned about finding enough to keep busy, losing that daily social interaction, forfeiting the workplace identity that took four decades to develop, and, simply, the possibility of losing some self-worth. I had read many articles about preparing for retirement and the anxieties and worries that unexpectedly come with it. Well, after this first half year of this new chapter, I have come to a very important conclusion… Retirement is underrated!

So, what has made my experience, thus far, so positive? Let me just list a few reasons (I do have to admit that I have been surprised that I have experienced so many of these so soon in this chapter):

1. I am now able to savor those special moments, not rush to the next thing – The clock is now my friend, not my enemy. In the old days, there were many times when I needed to move from activity-to-activity to get everything done. Now, I find myself slowing down and enjoying the little things more. It is enjoyable sitting on the deck watching the sun rise without having to watch the clock. If something doesn’t get done today, no worry… tomorrow is another day. I have enjoyed thoroughly spending more time with my grandchildren and like the freedom of staying up late, if I want, or sleeping in, which is still hard to do.
2. What’s important has changed… for the better! – A year ago, I was still spending much too much of my time thinking that work projects were too important. In reality, my focus has changed to “things that matter for people” rather than “things that matter for my employer.” Doing little things, just because I want to, now brings me joy that I didn’t have before. Let me give one example… my wife and I recently made an impromptu decision to drive from St. Louis to visit friends in Michigan. When I was working, the weekends were so cherished that making a rush trip like that would have detracted from the fun of the trip. Not now… doing these kinds of unplanned things now brings a sense of adventure, not dread.
3. I’m doing more of what I want to do, less of what I have to do – It is amazing how your sense of direction can change in such a short time. It seems I am more driven now by “what would be fun” than doing things just because they are expected or part of the routine. Dressing up for me now is dragging out a pair of khaki pants and polo shirt rather than my standard shorts, tee shirt, and flip flops. We have really enjoyed spending time with our grandkids at the pool this summer… just for fun! (Don’t ask about the time I dunked my three-year-old in the lazy river.)
4. My wife and I really enjoy our added time together – Before I retired, I had heard many stories of more time resulting in more friction between couples. However, I think we have experienced just the opposite! I am in awe of my wife and all the things she does to run our household and care for our children and grandchildren. It is honestly fun to spend all day with her! We have many common interests and sharing them every day is a joy. She is amazing!
5. My morning rush hour has become my favorite time of day – For many years, my commute was through urban traffic for up to 44 miles each way. This tends to wear on you after a while. I don’t miss that drive, for sure. Now, that same time period of the day has become my favorite. I enjoy drinking coffee on our deck and watching the sunrise in good weather. That time of day has shifted from the most hectic to the most relaxing. I still get up early, but I think the reason is that I don’t want to miss any of that early morning time. On the other hand….
6. I’m sleeping more, and better – During my working days, I probably averaged about six hours of sleep a day. That is too little for a healthy lifestyle. Now, I probably get more like 7 – 8 hours, counting naps. Have I mentioned yet how comfortable the hammock on my deck is? And, I might add that the quality of sleep is amazingly better. I have said may times, “Stress is self-inflicted.” But, it is impossible to turn off stress while in the work world like you can when you are retired.
7. The future has become much less important than today – It seems that life is often a series of chapters with each one in some way pointing to some time in the future. We tend to focus so much on tomorrow that we forget to enjoy today. Well, I have certainly experienced that in my short time as a retiree. The future is now! I admit that I still go to bed almost giddy that I don’t have to battle rush hour traffic and corporate life the next morning. The present has too many positives that I don’t want to waste any of it anxious about tomorrow.
8. I have more time for others – I have enjoyed doing some things these last six months that I probably never would have or could have when I was working. Spending more time and getting to know my neighbors has been good. Being available to do things spontaneously is nice. Feeling that I could work with a room full of third graders during evening Vacation Bible School at our church was truly fulfilling. Just being free to say “yes” is something I didn’t really anticipate.
9. I’m really glad I took the plunge instead of over-analyzing it – Knowing when to retire is a significant decision for most of us. Someone once told me, “It is hard to say when you should retire, but when the time comes, you’ll know it.” That simple piece of advice has served me well. It is possible to analyze every possibility in life worrying about your financial situation that you can never get comfortable taking the plunge. I have seen it with a number of individuals. There comes a point when you just have to say you have studied the numbers, have mentally prepared, have the support of your family, and are just ready to go for it!

Certainly, I recognize that I have been blessed by God throughout my life with supportive parents, a good education, great companies to serve, and many wonderful opportunities to financially prosper. Not everyone has the same story. However, when you are finally faced with that decision and are trying to decide whether now is the right time or whether you should stay in your work routine, think about what things might be on your own “my favorite things about my first six months of retirement” list.

I do admit that I enjoy staying in touch with my colleagues and friends from work. I do miss you! However, I wouldn’t change my decision to move to this chapter at all. No regrets! After all, these days, I often have to check the calendar to remember what day it is…

Have a terrific day! Remember, it might just be one of your best yet!

 

Inclusion has become a stand-alone business in our world today. Many companies have added a title similar to Chief Inclusion Officer or Vice-President, Inclusion to combat what many believe is lack of inclusion in our corporate culture. Inclusion has become almost synonymous with motherhood, apple pie, and the Fourth of July.

Many individuals have also adopted the “inclusion” mindset. It has become highly negative and corrosive to be anything other than an inclusive person. No manager can be successful that does not publicly embrace inclusion.

I believe that “inclusion” has become a brand or mindset, rather than a set of behaviors or actions. We can simply state that we are inclusive as corporations or individuals and, magically, we are embraced as inclusive. However, our actions don’t always align with our words.

Inclusion has a very specific meaning that has somehow become lost in today’s politically correct or sensitive world. Inclusion, simply stated, should mean that everyone has an equal OPPORTUNITY to participate. There are no limits to this opportunity. Inclusion, however, is NOT something that means equal results, or equal rewards, or equal standing. It merely means that everyone has a chance to achieve success, participate, have a say, and enjoy the same benefits as everyone else on the team.

Somehow, inclusion has come to mean that we accommodate every type of behavior that might arise. Yes, there are limits to inclusion. Here a few:

1. Bad behavior should not be tolerated in the name of “inclusion” – When individuals behave unprofessionally or in a way to harms the team or other individuals, this bad behavior must be excluded.
2. Not everyone gets a trophy or participation award; performance still matters – Too many organizations want recognized or rewarded simply because they have created a “world-class” inclusion organization. Without results, this does not add value. Unless this effort produces a measurably better result, it is either ineffective or lacks proper focus.
3. Offensive, abusive, and disruptive individuals must be excluded – No one should be subjected to these offenses. When this occurs, a good leader takes decisive action. Additionally, those that try to bully others must either be controlled or changed.
4. Those that fail to provide equal opportunity for all should be excluded – Likewise, we should not tolerate individuals that do not provide equal opportunities to others. For example, a team may claim that it is “inclusive” just because it has more than 50% women or minority team members. However, if these individuals then don’t have an opportunity to fully participate, this “inclusive” claim is irrelevant.
5. Inclusion is important, but there are no free rides for non-participants – The companion to equal opportunity is equal effort or equal sacrifice or equal participation. Ensure that all team members are equally accountable for results.

I am a strong advocate for inclusion. I strived through my entire 40 year career to ensure that barriers to inclusion were eliminated. I am very proud to count many individuals advancing in their careers because I helped provide an opportunity that might not have come otherwise. But, I do not believe in promoting inclusion to the detriment of the team. Inclusion is intended to ensure that we ultimately obtain the best result possible; that we add as much value as we can; that our customers are delighted; and that we do the right things well. When we do irresponsible things in the name of inclusion to the detriment of those results, we do no one a favor.

Thanks for all you do to include everyone! Have a great day! Remember, this could be your very best day yet!

This coming Sunday is Father’s Day… the day we celebrate all the great things our Dads do for us. It is a day set aside for BBQ’s, outings with families, gifts, and fun. I remember as a kid celebrating Father’s Day doing the things we kids liked to do, not so much what our Dad really would like to do. But, he seemed to just enjoy being with us and doing what we wanted to do… that was just who he was.

However, for many, Father’s Day is a day spent caught up only in memories… thinking about those good times… and bad… with our Dad. Mine has been gone for almost exactly 25 years and I still miss him.

So, for today on The Porch, let’s reminisce about our Dads. Let’s consider what are those things we might say to our Dad if you had one more chance. I also solicited feedback on this question from a few friends to get a broader perspective.

I think the things we might say if you had one more chance fall into a few categories:

1. “Thanks, Dad, for all that you taught me, especially ________.” I find myself wishing I could thank my Dad for all he taught me. He taught me how to treat and love a wife. He taught me responsibility, diligence, and to pursue excellence. He taught me to play baseball and to love the game. He taught me how to fish, hunt, and appreciate the outdoors. He taught me the importance of family and just “being there” for key events and activities. One of my friends said he would thank his Dad for teaching him how to fix old junk cars. That same friend is now passing that down to his own grandchildren. You may not realize it, but your own children and grandchildren are learning from you… good or bad.
2. “Dad, I never really told you what I thought of you.” Many individuals I have encountered wish that they would have taken the time to tell their Dad what they really thought of them before they were gone. One of my friends does not have that regret. As part of her Dad’s honor flight trip to Washington DC, family members were asked to write a letter expressing their love and thanks to their Fathers. She had the chance to say exactly those things we all might wish we would have said. How fortunate she was… especially since her father passed away just one month later! Another of my friends mentioned how her Dad gave her the ability to take care of herself. He taught her how to hunt and fish and do things herself without depending upon someone else to do it for her. Being independent has been a blessing to her.
3. “Dad, you were an amazing example to me, especially when you _________.” Several of the friends I asked to contribute to this talked about the example their father was… of kindness… of patience. One talked about how her father cared for her mother (his wife) tenderly for 14 years after her first stroke. Another mentioned how his father always encouraged him to look forward, not backward. I saw from my father the importance of hard work and of doing what you say you’ll do. I saw him dedicate his precious free time to children, helping to begin a little league baseball organization in my home town. He was a giver that lived an amazing life of service to others.
4. “Dad, I wish you would have ________ before you died.” We often look back on the lives of our parents regretting what we did or didn’t do. One of my friends mentioned that she wished her father had done a better job preparing her mother to be a widow. He lived his life dedicated to her to the point that she was not ready to live alone after he was gone. She also said that his dedication to her occurred at the expense of relationships with other family members. Sometimes, being honest with our legacy and the brevity of life needs to be recognized, whether we like it or not. Another friend’s Dad died at a very early age. My friend wishes he had taken better care of himself. Several of my friends mentioned that they had never talked about God much with their Dads. The express that they wish they had that chance to ensure that they were ready when they crossed over that river of death.
5. “I hope you are proud of me, Dad. I never would have accomplished _______ without your _______________ (sacrifice, encouragement, or support).” Several of those contributing to this mentioned the influence their Dad had on their own life. Finishing school, developing skills, learning self-reliance all things Fathers help encourage for us. For others, the sacrifices made by Fathers would be part of those “one more time” conversations. I often catch myself wondering and hoping that my own life reflects the dreams my parents had for me as I was growing up in my small home town.
6. “I have tried to be just like you, Dad, especially __________.” My own father was a great example of integrity. He worked in the oilfield with men hardened by weather, adversity, and years of hard labor. Yet, to a man, they talked to me privately during my summer work there about how much they respected my father. Hearing that made me to be just like him! One of my friends commented that she always admired her Dad’s “giant personality”… love for people, friendliness, thoughtfulness… that she tried to adopt and emulate. Another friend said his own life has been much better because of the honor and integrity his father displayed over his entire life.
7. “I wish you could have met your _________ (grandchildren, great-grandchildren, etc.). You would be so proud. In many ways, they are a lot like you.” My Father died when my children were all young. He would be so proud of them now! And, he would have truly enjoyed his seven great-grandchildren! Each of them has some element of him in their look, actions, or personality. How fun it would be to watch my parents meet them today! A friend mentioned that her son wished that he could have gotten to know his Grandfather better. He wishes they could take that camping trip together that they had been planning. That same friend wishes her Dad could have met her current husband. She said she thought he would really like him and be proud she had such a wonderful man in her life.
8. “Dad, just in case there was ever any doubt, I just want you to know that I always loved you.” My friend mentioned that she was whispering her love for her own Father the very moment he died. How wonderful knowing that he never had to doubt it! I would love having the chance to just say it one more time!
9. “I still smile every time I think about you, Dad. Do you remember the time we __________.” My Dad was fun! He had a great sense of humor and was constantly playing practical jokes on people. I have so many memories of him having fun. He made everything more fun just by being there. My wife and I still talk about his jokes and the pranks he pulled on us.
10. “Dad, I miss doing __________ with you!” – One of my friends mentioned that he missed being able to go bowling or play golf with his Dad. Those of us that have lost our parents, often just wish we could spend more time doing the things we enjoyed with them. I remember fishing with my Dad while listening to the baseball game on the radio. One of my friends said he would say, “Thank you Dad for all the countless summer days of fishing together, I sure do miss you!”
11. “Well done, Dad.” I would love the chance just to tell my Dad, “well done.” His life was too short, but full. He served in the military, enjoyed many hobbies, worked hard, raised three successful kids, was respected by others, and sacrificed his own interests for others. He loved his wife of 40 years and told me shortly before his death that he knew his eternal destiny was heaven. How could you ask for more?

I’m sure that every person would add their own item to this list. Sometimes, it is good just to pause to reflect on the wonderful life and wonderful parents we were blessed to experience.

For those fortunate enough to still have your Dad living, what is it from this list that you need to tell him? The rest of us would give anything for just one more chance to say what we need to say or neglected to say. Don’t let this opportunity pass you by. Someone once said,

“Never ignore a person who loves you, cares for you, and misses you. Because one day, you might wake up from your sleep and realize you lost the moon while counting the stars.” – Unknown

Father’s Day is also a good day to consider our own legacy. Are we doing everything we can today to leave behind those memories that will bring smiles years or decades from now? Are there changes you need to make to restore relationships that need mended? Let this time of reflection on your own life serve as a wake-up call, if needed.

Finally, to all you Dads reading this… thanks for what you do; thanks for the sacrifices you make; thanks for the example you provide; thanks for your unending support; and thanks for the love you show. It may not seem like much, but it means the world to some. Keep it up and finish strong!

Happy Father’s Day!

Today, I attended my second T-ball baseball game for my three-year-old grandson. Needless to say, the games are hilarious. When the ball is hit, everyone on the field – except those fully consumed with playing in the dirt, watching butterflies, or sitting down – chases after the ball at once. It is almost like the scramble when a foul ball is hit into the stands at a major league baseball game. Half the time, runners either run in the wrong direction or not at all. No one keeps score and the parent/player ratio is about 1:2 in the field. It is all fun, though, and the kids are beginning to learn the basics of the best game ever invented (at least that is my opinion).

You hear some interesting comments at one of these games. I thought it might be helpful to list a few of these and provide the lesson for all the adults reading. So, here we go (honestly, these are actual quotes from today’s two inning game):

• “Don’t fight over the ball!” – This is heard frequently when the kids create a rugby-style mass when trying to emerge from the pile with the ball when hit. Lesson for adults: We need to collaborate with each other to accomplish the goal. Fighting for the credit is selfless and hurts the whole team.
• “I are hot!” – Though the temperature today was pleasant, a three-year-old isn’t used to standing in the sun with little to do. The “hot” excuse is probably just a way of saying, “Enough of this. What’s next?” Lesson for adults: Finish what you start, even if it is not pleasant. If you make a commitment, fulfill it. 
• “Can we go to the pool yet?” – The ball diamond for these kids is immediately next to a swimming pool. The kids can see others their age going down the slide, splashing, and enjoying the cool water, while they are standing on a dusty field in the sun doing something that they can’t quite understand. Lesson for adults: Learning something new is not always easy. We have to experience some pain and frustration before we really start to enjoy it. 
• “Stand up. You can’t catch the ball if you are sitting down!” – Three-year-olds do not understand the concept of being prepared. Soon, if they continue learning the game, they will know how to prepare and be ready for action. Lesson for adults: We can’t always do our best by reacting to things. Preparedness and anticipation are necessary to ensure that we perform at our best when the unexpected occurs.
• “I got to go potty!” – A three-year-old doesn’t yet understand how important it is to take care of necessary business before a big event. Lesson for adults: No one can think straight, perform at their best, or be patient when you need to use the restroom. Anticipate… and, take needed breaks often to keep everyone sharp.
• “Quit playing in the dirt!” – There is a lot to learn about playing in the dirt. You can make things, draw, and make things happen with the right kind of dirt. Plus, it is fun to carry some home on your clothes. Lesson for adults: We need to major on the majors. Staying focused on the most important things is hard, especially when something more fun is in the way. First things first!
• “No, stop! You’re running in the wrong direction!” – When a three-year-old hits the ball, they know they need to run, but they often don’t have any idea where they need to run. So, they just run! Know the right direction to run will come next. Lesson for adults: Running just to be running might be healthful, but it might not get you where you want or need to be. Having a goal or vision is important. Leaders, the lack of a direction is frequently the reason your own team is not performing at the level you hope or expect. Check the direction you have outlined!
• “Good job, Buddy, you ran the right direction that time!” – Part of the benefit for a three-year-old T-ball star is learning from mistakes. They all make many mistakes. However, how the coaches, parents, and grandparents handle those mistakes can make all the difference in whether they even want to come back next week. Lesson for adults: We need to encourage each other. No one intentionally fails! So, when something wrong does happen, we need to help them learn from it and encourage them to get up, dust off their pants, and try again. That is just what a good leader and a good friend does.

Baseball for a three-year-old should be a fun introduction to a terrific game. Watching the kids progress week-to-week is enjoyable as they learn to do things the right way. No one is an expert the first time they try something. We need to learn from the mistakes we make, be patient with each other, and encourage each other. After all, that’s what keeps us coming back.

Have a great day!

There is much said about motivation. Why do you think that is the case? Why do we need someone else telling us how to stir up our own initiative to do what we should be doing anyway (or more that is expected)?

There are three key principles of motivation that we need to consider:

Motivation Principle #1: To be motivated, you must want to be motivated

Motivation is self-induced. Sure, what others say and do will influence that, but true motivation comes from within. A person that simply does not want to be motivated will not be. So, even when you don’t think you can be influenced to do something you do not want to do, most of us have an internal desire to achieve, to please, or to fulfill. So, we need to stop sitting on the sidelines waiting for someone else to motivate us to do what is right. That starts with us… right now!

Motivation Principle #2: Things that motivate us define our character

Let’s face it… sometimes we are motivated for the right reason and sometimes for very selfish reasons. Young children often must be motivated to tangible things, such as popsicles, candy, or fun activities. As people mature, motivation should come more from those intrinsic, more noble reasons, such as a desire to help others. Eventually, our motivation defines our character. A person of character is motivated by:

• Compassion, not expectations
• Excellence, not expediency
• Kindness, not threats
• Service, not mandates
• Collaboration, not narcissism
• Truth, not “narratives”
• Honesty, not compromise
• Inspiration, not desperation
• Loyalty, not money
• Commitment, not demands
• Opportunities, not obstacles
• Honor, not platitudes
• Love, not riches

We need to examine our own motivations… why do we do what we do? Are we doing it for the right reasons?

Motivation Principle #3: Motivation without action is merely emotional stimulation

Anyone can be motivated! Just take a look at Facebook. You won’t have to look long until you find a “motivational quote” or story or video or photo to stir you emotionally. As good as many of these make you feel, unless they move you to action, they are just entertainment. Motivation only becomes valuable if it results in positive action. Being motivated, by definition, drives a different result… a different direction… a different response. Unless we are moved in such a way to achieve something we otherwise would not have achieved, we are not truly motivated. Motivation always results in an observable result. So, when you seek to be motivated to do more than you might otherwise achieve, you must get off the couch and take action.

 

So, to sum it up, motivation is within all of us; it defines our character; and it results in positive action. I recently ran across a quote that says it better:

“Stop doing what is easy. Start doing what is right.”
― Roy T. Bennett

Today is a great day to start doing what we know we need to do!