Just in case any of you or your loved ones every has to stay a night or more in the hospital, I would like to share some of the things I learned during my recent stay. In short, the nurses and other caregivers were absolutely terrific! However, I did pick up a few pointers that could make your next stay a bit better:
- Not every person you encounter in a hospital knows when “you’re just kidding.” I now think the reason hospitals might be short-staffed these days is because so many of their employees now work for airport security companies.
- Never take your bodily functions – even those littles ones we never discuss – for granted. These can make the difference between food or no food; staying longer versus going home; etc.
- There is no such things as “modesty” in a hospital. Even if you think you might be appropriately modest, when you leave the hospital, you’ll think of yourself as an exhibitionist.
- I love Jell-O! Yes, those little cubes of strawberry Jell-O never tasted so good.
- The very best time of day to draw blood samples is 3:00am. The reason for this is that at precisely 3:00am CT, gravitational and earth centrifugal forces perfectly align to produce blood flow with a single prick of the skin. At any other time, it might take three or four pokes to accomplish the same thing.
- Just because you want to see your surgeon or one of his residents, does not mean that they want to see you.
- Millennials in any profession have a hard time making change with a purchase. This attribute carries through to drug dosage calculations. Sometimes it is good to double-check, just for fun. It is not, however, a good thing to brag too loudly about catching their mistakes.
- When they ask you to rate your pain on a 1 – 10 scale, mix it up a little bit. Watch how they scratch their heads when they think something is not quite right.
- There are narcotics and other mind-numbing drugs that can almost make you forget the Cardinals’ baseball season is over.
- Everything takes longer than it seems in a hospital when you are uncomfortable or hungry or waiting for the next adventure.
Fun times! Have a “top ten” day!