If you are like me, when faced with stress, you might be tempted to ask, “Am I as mentally strong as I need to be?” Or, you might ask, “Why do everyday things seem to affect me worse that others that I respect?”  Being mentally strong can help you face and defeat stress that might otherwise distract or battle you.  So, why are some able to fend off these issues better than others?

Kathryn Stanley, Chair, Organizational and Leadership Psychology Department at William James College has created a list of “18 Things Mentally Strong People Do.” Take a look at Stanley’s list:

1. They move on
2. They keep control
3. They embrace change
4. They stay happy
5. They are kind
6. They are willing to take calculated risks
7. They invest their energy in the present
8. They accept full responsibility for their past behavior
9. They celebrate other people’s success
10. They are willing to fail
11. They enjoy their time alone
12. They are prepared to work and succeed on their own merits
13. They have staying power
14. They evaluate their core beliefs
15. They expend their mental energy wisely
16. They think productively
17. They tolerate discomfort
18. They reflect on their progress

So, did any of these stand out to you as hurdles that you face? Which of these ranks as the most challenging for you?  I think this list serves as a great checklist for us to provide a self-assessment of our mental strength.  For example, if you have a tendency to be mentally exhausted and unable to concentrate during important meetings, you might consider whether spending more time alone to help focus your mental energy might benefit you.  Or, there might be others of these that could represent individual opportunities for growth over the next few months or year.  The premise is that we can all become mentally stronger if we focus on improvement in areas that hinder us.

Think about your own mental toughness today as you face whatever battles that might be occurring in your life. While you are at it, consider items from the list that you can intentionally influence today (e.g., kindness, personal attitude, diligence, etc.).  Perhaps, just a few tweaks in your attitude and some intentionality in your approach might make a huge difference for you.

Have a fabulous day!

 

I was up early the other morning. OK, earlier than my normal 4am time.  As is usual, I wondered out onto the porch to see what the new day might bring.  On this morning, the stars were brilliant…perhaps more so than I can recall.  They were big, bright, and the sky was full of them.  It reminded me that the amazing light that I was seeing actually began centuries earlier and the light was just now reaching me.  Perhaps, great historical events were occurring on the night that the light I was seeing began its journey to my eyes.  Nonetheless, it was also a reminder that we may not actually see the good that comes from our efforts for years, if ever in our lifetime.  For example, individuals that plant small trees rarely live to see the day that their shade covers the yard in the hot summer sun.  Or, we may never truly witness the good that our words or deeds might have on the lives of others.  Or, the projects that consume our day today might not bear fruit for years.  We merely do what we know is right and trust that it will bring good someday.

I have run across some quotes about stars that may bring you fresh insight today. Just read each and think about what it might mean to you or how it might influence what you do today:

• “Keep your eyes on the stars, and your feet on the ground.” – Theodore Roosevelt 

• “Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.” – Harriet Tubman 

• “It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.” – William Shakespeare 

• “I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars.” – Og Mandino 

 

It is good to look and dream at the stars. It is good to ponder their origin and their meaning.  It is good to merely enjoy their beauty.  But, it is even better to allow them to inspire us to act on behalf of someone else.

Have an absolutely brilliant day!

 

Today, we look at the tenth and final of The 10 Greatest Gifts principles outlined by Steven W. Vannoy in his 1994 book.  You will recall that we examined “responsibility” the last time.  These principles also apply very well to adults working in the business world and can help us work better with others and understand, for ourselves, how we can be most productive and effective in every walk of life.   Here is the full list of these Greatest Gifts:

1. Feeling fully
2. Self-esteem
3. Compassion
4. Balance
5. Humor
6. Communication
7. Abundance
8. Integrity
9. Responsibility
10. Conscious choice

What is the principle of conscious choice?  Vannoy defines it like this as he discussed the importance of this gift to our children:

“Once you know that you have the gift of choice in your life, there is no more powerful tool. It allows you to figure out how to make things happen and how not to be a victim, no matter what the circumstances.”

Choices…. Being able to shape our own life and destiny is truly a powerful tool.  We are not necessarily confined to the destiny others envision for us, but by the choices we consciously make for ourselves.  There are many others that have described this much better than I ever could.  Let’s take a look at some of these quotes:

• “Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain… To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices – today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it.” – Kevyn Aucoin

• “One’s philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes… and the choices we make are ultimately our responsibility.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

• “When you wake up every day, you have two choices. You can either be positive or negative; an optimist or a pessimist. I choose to be an optimist. It’s all a matter of perspective.” – Harvey Mackay

• “I don’t condemn anyone for making their choices. If someone chooses those roles, fine. But not for me. When someone stops me and says, You’re the reason I became an actress, that lets me know I made the right decision.” – Cicely Tyson

• “Wise choices can put us in control of situations where we might otherwise be tempted to compromise our principles. We cannot control all that happens to us; however, we can choose to be in control of our responses.” – L. Lionel Kendrick

• “There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.” – Denis Waitley

• “I’m a big believer that your life is basically a sum of all the choices you make. The better your choices, the better opportunity to lead a happy life.” – Karen Salmansohn

• “Ideas matter. The world matters. Our lives matter, and the choices we make as we navigate our lives perhaps matter most of all.” – Lauren Myracle

• “Eighty percent of all choices are based on fear. Most people don’t choose what they want; they choose what they think is safe.” – Phil McGraw

• “I believe without a single shadow of a doubt that it is necessary for young people to learn to make choices. Learning to make right choices is the only way they will survive in an increasingly frightening world.” – Lois Lowry

 

The key themes from these quotes are: a) our choices define who we are, b) we must accept responsibility for our choices, both good and bad, and c) our own choices determine our happiness. Learning to make appropriate choices, then, is a critical tool in our arsenal of life.  How have your choices altered your life?  Can you narrow down the critical choices in your life to 2 or 3 that made the most difference?  Would you do anything different if you could do it all over again?

We can’t go back, but we can make better, more informed decisions in the future. The rest of our lives may depend upon it.  So, go do it… be bold, be informed, and be prepared for adventure!  Have a fabulous day!

 

Each of us is a leader. Some lead people at work.  Some lead our neighborhood association.  Some lead children or youth teams or groups.  Some lead families.  Almost everyone has an opportunity to lead either every day or on occasion.  So, we should all desire to become better or more effective leaders.  And, sometimes, being a leader becomes challenging, results in undue stress, or might even drag us down.

Today, I hope to encourage you as a leader. What you do is important.  My challenge today is to consider the impact you are making on those you lead.  Whether you know it or not, you are making a difference to those you lead.  You could even make a lifetime difference.  So, today I have summarized a few ACTUAL comments I have heard from individuals I have known over my 38 years in industry.  All of these comments were made to express honor or admiration for an individual that once served as their leader.  Some of these I have even said myself to leaders that made a difference to me.  When you realize that you are making this kind of impact in the lives of others, it should inspire you as a leader and motivate you to keep pressing on.  Take a look:

• Because of you, I didn’t give up
• Because of you, I learned that I am capable of much more than I ever thought possible
• Because of you, I decided to go into your field or line of work
• Because of you, I want to be a leader, too
• You inspire me to do more and do it better
• You make work fun and worth my best effort
• I wouldn’t be where I am today without you
• You made the hard work worth it
• I keep coming back because of you
• This would not have been possible without your help and leadership
• You inspire me to reach my potential
• You never gave up on me

Hearing someone say something like this to you can make it all worthwhile. So, leaders, realize that you are making a difference in the lives of others.  And, for all of us, if there is someone in your life now or in the past that has made a difference to you, tell them!  They may be at a low point and wondering if they should keep going.  Make a huge difference to them by saying something… today, if possible.

Thanks to you all for making a difference in the lives of those you care about. Have a great day!

Today, we look at the eighth of The 10 Greatest Gifts principles outlined by Steven W. Vannoy in his 1994 book.  You will recall that we examined “abundance” the last time.  These principles also apply very well to adults working in the business world and can help us work better with others and understand, for ourselves, how we can be most productive and effective in every walk of life.

What is the principle of integrity?  Integrity is “doing the right things even when no one else is watching.” Integrity is that life value that means you will not cut any important corners, that you will be strong in the face of opposition, and that you will stand up for what’s right.  A person with integrity will also put others first and seek to aid and encourage them when life’s challenges become difficult.  A life lived with integrity is one that exhibits empathy, service, boldness, and love toward others.

Why is integrity important to teach our children? Well, when children learn integrity at an early age (things like sharing, helping, honesty, independence, and kindness), they become adults that contribute to society and make the most productive and highest performing employees.  One of our key goals as parents should be to create independent, contributing members of society that serve others.  Much of what we read in the news is the result of children that did not learn integrity growing up.

My father owned a welding business in the oilfields of Southern Illinois. As a teenager, I worked in the oilfields doing “grunt work” for him.  As you might imagine, the characters working in the oilfields covered the gamut.  Most were rough and tough, but they worked hard.  Even then, it was easily evident to me which men had integrity.  I didn’t even know what integrity was back then, but you could certainly see it.  Men with integrity worked hard, even when their boss was not around.  They did it right even if taking a short-cut would have saved them time.  They worked in the mud and grime without complaining.  And, they were glad to have the work to support their families.  Even to a teenager, integrity would shine like a beacon in those few men in that oilfield.  It made a significant impression on me then and still does today.

Integrity is a gift that, hopefully, you received at an early age from your parents. However, anyone can become a man/woman of integrity starting today, if desired.  Doing the right thing, day-after-day, in activities big and small starts to build that internal stream of integrity that eventually becomes a river.

Thank you to so many individuals in my life right now that demonstrate integrity every day in every circumstance. I do appreciate you!  Have a fabulous and productive day!

 

 

Recently, I have been exposed to a number of articles and blogs by individuals suffering from chronic, long-term pain or other neuro-muscular diseases. There is a long list of these diseases (lupus, MS, GBS, endometriosis, CIDP, CRPS, ALS, cancer, etc.) that, almost certainly, someone reading this experiences or someone you love suffers.  For those with these diseases, there is the constant struggle of trying to live a normal life, yet knowing that everything you choose to do means there is something else you cannot do.

I read a description of this constant struggle written by Christine Miserandino. She calls it The Spoon Theory.  (You can read her full story at this link http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/.)  It is rather long, but, let me try to summarize Miserandino’s point in this synopsis.

Christine was having lunch with her best friend one day. Her friend knew her very well.  They had been college roommates and remained close for many years after that.  However, despite the fact that her friend had seen Christine suffer with her Lupus, she still didn’t seem to understand the overall impact the disease had on Christine.  So, in the restaurant that day, Christine sought to illustrate what life with Lupus meant. 

Christine found a dozen spoons from tables near her. She gave them to her friend.  She told the friend that every activity of the day would cost her a spoon.  Preparing breakfast cost a spoon.  Getting showered and dressed cost her two spoons.  She told her that when she was healthy, she thought she had an endless supply of spoons and didn’t have to think about them at all.  However, now with Lupus, she had to think about everything… if her hands hurt, she couldn’t wear a blouse with buttons… if she had bruises that day, she had to wear long sleeves… if she had a fever, she needed a sweater.  And, everything took longer than necessary.  

So, very quickly, Christine’s friend had only a couple spoons left. She had to decide whether to use them to cook dinner, clean up her apartment, stop by the store for groceries, or make time for a friend.  The spoons were quickly used up and she still had things she needed to do.  She might borrow one of tomorrow’s spoons, but that would leave tomorrow even more challenging.  If she ran out of spoons, she might not make it to work at all.  And, she rarely had a spoon left to go out for dinner or fun with her friends.  

Soon, Christine’s friend was crying. After all these years, she was finally understanding what life is like for Christine or anyone else with one of these chronic diseases.  These individuals have a very limited number of spoons and, because things are more difficult for them, little tasks take more spoons that would be required for a healthy person.  Christine explained that everything in her life now required her to consider how many spoons it would take and how many she would have left.  Everything required planning.  She could not do things spontaneously and often was left out of activities with friends.  Christine concluded her time educating her friend by explaining that every spoon is a blessing for her.  She never wastes or takes a spoon for granted.  Yet, she sees others wasting spoons every day. 

I have not done Christine’s story justice with my synopsis, but I hope you get the point. Healthy individuals do not realize how blessed their lives really are.  Chronically ill individuals never waste a spoon.  And, no one truly understands how difficult life is for a chronically ill individual unless you experience it every day.  We need to realize again how blessed we are AND we need to consider how we might help our family, work, neighborhood, and casual acquaintances that live with these diseases every day.

So, for today, let’s be thankful for all the spoons we hold and, if we can, let’s try to share a spoon or two with someone that might just be using their last one now.

Have a great day! Today could be our “very best day yet” – so, be ready for it!

 

Today, we look at the seventh of The 10 Greatest Gifts principles outlined by Steven W. Vannoy in his 1994 book.  You will recall that we examined “communication” the last time.  These principles also apply very well to adults working in the business world and can help us work better with others and understand, for ourselves, how we can be most productive and effective in every walk of life.

What is the principle of abundance?  Vannoy defines it like this as he discussed the importance of this gift to our children:

 

“The gift of abundance is what I consider the key to all the other qualities and values that make our lives and our children’s lives so fulfilling. It allows us to view the world as a piece of endless choices, endless opportunities, endless chances, endless growth.  There is always another day and another way.  It’s a way of approaching the world in degrees of strength, instead of degrees of weakness, of living with degrees of love and goodness instead of degrees of fear.”

 

Vannoy clearly believes that abundance is something we can give or acquire. Thus, it is not just something that happens… it is something we attain!  So, how can we attain a life-view of abundance?  What is it that makes us see the world with optimism, strength, confidence, and joy?  These are not easy questions, but let me take a shot at listing a few actions we can take:

1. Begin each day thinking it will bring good, not bad… attitude! – Instead of thinking of all the bad things that might come your way today, why not concentrate on the good? Why not consider how fortunate you are to have a job, a family, a home, friends, and good health? Why not count your blessings, not your problems? Why not simply assume that this will be a good and exciting day?
2. Consider each day as an opportunity to give, not receive… serve! – The world does not rotate around us. When you serve others, it enhances your own life. Why not look for a way to add value to someone else’s life today? Why not look for some way you can turn a bad day into a good day for someone else?
3. Realize that each day is a chance to experience life… adventure! – We are only promised today. Tomorrow may never come. Look for ways to take a risk today. Get out of your comfort zone. Go wild and crazy (within reason, of course) and see how it changes your day.
4. Identify the critical few things that must be done today… prioritize! – Too many people do not experience abundance because they have too much on their plate. We burden ourselves with too busy lives and too many responsibilities. As a result, we leave others completely out of our lives. So, for today, identify those top three things that must get done. Everything cannot be top priority! Pick a few that you focus on and relax on the others. Major on the major items.
5. Plan at least one thing new for each day… grow! – Unless we are intentional about personal growth, it won’t happen. Do something new and different today. Look for a new experience. Get out of your rut and see how it changes your perspective.
6. Do at least one fun thing for yourself each day… refresh! – “All work and no play…” Plan something that YOU want to do today… then do it!
7. Share your day and yourself with someone else… love! – Life is not meant to be lived alone. Just for today, look for a way to share your life with someone else perhaps greater than you’ve ever done or more than makes you comfortable.

Remember…

“You are exchanging one day of your life for what you do today. Make it count!”

Have a day of abundance today!

You have heard the comment, “You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.” I had a stark reminder of this recently.  My daughter and her family moved this summer from Georgia to Utah.  They had lived in a beautiful, friendly neighborhood in Georgia for six years.  Essentially, it has been the only place their three kids have ever known as home.  Well, the other day at school, my seven-year-old grandson in Utah finished his assignment early.  The teacher told the kids they could turn their paper over and write whatever they wanted on the back.  Well, my grandson misses his best friend, Bear, in Georgia terribly, so he wrote Bear a letter telling him how much he missed him.  Those two had been nearly inseparable their entire lives.  They were together at one of their houses or playing outside nearly non-stop these past six years, so this separation has been tough on those two little guys.  My grandson recopied the letter and mailed it to Bear that evening when he got home.  The next day, Bear’s Mom called my daughter and said Bear had had a really bad day missing his friend.  It had been an especially tough time for Bear at precisely the same time my grandson was writing his letter in school.  So, they had a FaceTime call that day to reconnect.

This story of my grandson and Bear demonstrate once again the importance of living in the moment. So often, we tie ourselves up in knots worrying about tomorrow, or next week, or anything else so much that we miss the very pleasures and joys of today.  We are only promised today, so allowing ourselves to miss this moment is, in some respects, cheating us out of something that we may miss tomorrow.  How many of us will look back someday and say about today, “that was a really good day.”  Or, “I wish I could go back to the way things were then.”  Or, “I wish I had cherished that time we had just a bit more.”  Or, “I just assumed those good times would go on, but, just like that, it was over.”

Let’s not miss it today! Look around your life and cherish today those people, opportunities, and situations you find yourself in.  Though they might not be our own personal “best of times”, we may still look back someday and wish we had today just one more time.

Today, we look at the sixth of The 10 Greatest Gifts principles outlined by Steven W. Vannoy in his 1994 book.  You will recall that we examined “the gift of humor” the last time.  These principles also apply very well to adults working in the business world and can help us work better with others and understand, for ourselves, how we can be most productive and effective in every walk of life.

What is the principle of communication?  Vannoy defines it like this as he discussed the importance of this gift to our children:

“With the gift of communication they can express their own ideas as well as hear different ideas from others. They can express feelings as easily as facts.  Their sphere of influence in the world has almost no limits.  And, in the practical world, it is probably the most essential business skill they will ever learn.  It is a gift of enormous potential.”

Vannoy clearly believes that teaching (and/or attaining) the gift of communication is important for several reasons. Let’s explore these and a few others I have personally observed:

Communication skills are important for life and business success because:

1. It helps us express our own ideas clearly and concisely – If you can adequate express your own thoughts and ideas, it provides a link to all others. It allows you to share with others in ways that non-communicators cannot do.
2. It facilitates our ability to hear the ideas and thoughts of others – Good listening skills falls under the “communication umbrella”, yet, many individuals fail to understand its importance.
3. It conveys not our feelings in addition to facts – Because our feels are so expressive, it is important that we are able to convey how we feel, not just what we know.
4. It helps us convince and influence others – The ability to communicate is paramount in convincing or influencing others. Thus, it becomes a strong tool for leadership, collaboration, and, simply, just getting things done.
5. It provides a pathway into our mind – Good communication skills reveal our knowledge about a subject — not just the what, but why it is important.
6. It provides a pathway into our heart – Good communication skills also help others see the true person behind our words. Good communication is enhanced when others see the heart behind it.
7. It provides direction – Communication always leads to “what’s next.” It helps us know what we can or need to do before we communication again. It is difficult to be a great leader if you have poor communication skills.

It is true that the gift of communication may, more than another other thing, provide an avenue to life success. When an individual can convey, through clear and concise oral or written communication, their thoughts and ideas, the doors of success fly open.  Conversely, an inability to properly communicate can severely hinder your ability to succeed.  Teaching strong communication to children, or, learning it for ourselves is a critical life success factor.  And, for me personally, have the ability to communication through writing is invaluable in the business world.  By learning to write simply and reflect what you think in “plain words”, you can overcome many other hurdles that come your way.

So, there you have it… the sixth of Vannoy’s 10 Greatest Gifts. Think about what this says to you and what action you might need to take.

Let’s all have a fantastic day!

 

I recently visited with a German-trained physician that told me, “We have an old saying in Germany… just because you have fleas doesn’t mean you don’t also have lice.” Now, before you decide you need to stay away from me from now on, he was talking figuratively, not literally.  What he was saying is that you can focus on the obvious, more visible problem, but don’t overlook the possibility that there are two causes or problems that must be addressed.

This is great advice for us, as well. In our work life, we are often tempted to focus our attention on the most visible or most likely problem or root cause we face.  We tend to be problem-solvers and focus our attention on the first known problem or root cause that we identify.  When we find one likely root cause, we tend to stop looking for other contributing factors or causes that could influence the outcome.  We are trained to identify the one true root cause and eradicate that.  However, there may be another cause lurking that could impact the issue we are experiencing.

We also tend to be single-minded when facing issues or problems outside work. Many of us typically focus on the biggest or most visible issue we face.  We think that dealing with that issue effectively will restore peace.  However, we should remember that “we can eliminate the fleas, but still be plagued by those lousy lice.”  I know that I am glad to have a physician with this viewpoint and attitude.  By exploring all possibilities, we are more likely to truly solve our problems.

Let’s be thankful today for all the blessings in our lives. Have a terrific day!  Thanks for all you do!